I know, I know, I know…
I know all the things I should do, all the things I shouldn’t, why I do, why I don’t, I just should, I just shouldn’t, the guilt, the worry, the fear.
I know it all, and yet…
In Christ, none of it matters.
I don’t need to consider my response to the world, but my response to Christ because He knows how my response to Him will impact the world; those in my life who I can influence and effect for Him.
It’s hard though, to remember the difference, to separate myself from the expectations of others trusting that their immediate reaction is temporary because if Jesus truly is going to have His way, their real need will be met whether it’s through me or someone else.
I can think of people who I no longer see because their reaction to my action was not pleasant and while I can’t say that I handled my part perfectly, I trust that God is showing them their part as well and is working it out in them to bring them peace in the situation. I pray they have grown from it as I believe I have and one day we will be reconciled. I’m open to whatever God has in these relationships. It may not be until heaven, but that’s really not so far off.
There are also people in my life who I worry about losing if I do not perform to expectation. Talk when it’s okay and when I do, say what they want to hear. Do the things the way they prefer in order to show them they matter to me hoping I get it right, hoping I remember, hoping they aren’t having an off day and really want something completely different. It sounds like the people I know are tough and hard, but really, it’s what we all do. We want what we want when we want it and are hurt when we don’t get it.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” James 4:1 (NIV)
I trust Jesus knows my heart and I’m serious about that. I know there was a time when I wasn’t so sure I wanted Him knowing what was in my heart: the hurt, the anger, and the unforgiveness. But now, I want Him to clearly see the intentions of my heart so He can correct anything not in line with His ways. And I trust that my desire for that matters to Him.
This is also my desire for those I know: to know and trust my heart, not only for them, but for Jesus. I hope that in trusting Him, they can trust me even though I may screw up and miss the mark on occasion.
Something to Consider…
Do you trust that Jesus knows your heart? Is your heart right with Him to begin with? Are there areas of your heart you hold back from Him? He has good things for you. Let Him in and trust His goodness.
Do you worry about holding all the pieces together, wondering what will happen if they fall? Who will walk away, who will be disappointed, who will help you pick them up again? In Christ, we have the freedom to do the right thing and sometimes the hard thing trusting He will bring good even from our mistakes.