This past Sunday, my husband and I were home from our morning at church and we had a bit of time before we needed to get going on dinner to be ready for our evening event with a group of friends. As my husband and I talked, he asked me if I wanted to take a nap.
I’m sure to him it was a simple question. But as I thought about it, I felt a tensing and tightening of my insides. I finally admitted to him I didn’t want to do anything.
At first, he kind of shrugged it off and asked another simple, clarifying question.
I said, “No, I don’t want to do anything! I don’t want to do anything that I know I should do!”
Right away he says, “Isn’t that like Paul in the ‘I don’t know why I do what I don’t want to and don’t do what I want to’ passage?”
My initial thought was no, it’s nothing like that. But it was exactly that.
I had often thought of this rant of Paul’s as one where he doesn’t realize until after the fact that he did the wrong thing. Why? Because if he knew the right thing from the beginning, he would do it, right?
Sometimes, we know exactly what we should or shouldn’t do and we don’t do or do exactly that. We do it with full knowledge and full compliance. And then we feel horrible and remorseful. At least, hopefully we do.
After I listed off all the things I didn’t want to do, my husband said he was taking a nap. No convincing me of anything, no advice, only him stepping away. And once he did, I picked something from my list and did it knowing it was good.
And it felt good.
I felt relaxed and peaceful in my decision and I enjoyed my time and activity. In the end, I felt accomplished.
On Monday morning, during my quiet time, I thought about the events of the day before. I thanked God for the battle I had experienced. It wasn’t pleasant but it was good because it was proof of God’s Spirit at work in me showing me the wrong attitudes of my heart and the right ways to move forward with Him.
Lord, I thank you for the battle between my spirit and Yours. I thank you for your work within me. I long for your correction, instruction and guidance in your unconditional love. Thank you for showing me when what I want is not what you want for me. I pray the battle lessens and I am willingly able to follow You in all things. In Jesus name, Amen.
Something to Consider…
Do you find yourself in a battle between doing what you shouldn’t or not doing what you should?
Ask God to show you any wrong attitudes or thoughts that keep you from His right ways. Be willing to allow His Spirit to work in your life. Choose to follow His Spirit in your decisions.
“This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea.” Isaiah 48:17-18